Dec 2015

Burnout Healing

Burnout Healing


Burnout Healing


What does burnout teach us besides our foolishness? Whether we volunteered because we wanted to catch Santa Claus or it was undertaken because of a drive that you wanted to reach, it seems we meet this culprit more often than we thought we'd choose. So, why would it show up? What is its purpose to teach us? Could it be as simple as slowing down? I don't think it is about slowing down and it is a big mistake to think so or you could get stuck at that speed. It is more about what is on the other side. It is a taste of temporary madness to get out the garbage.

Perhaps there are better ways for this, and by all means practice those first, but when you find yourself feeling like you couldn't do a thing and the idle time of quiet and how many flowers are on the wall paper take you over, why? Let it, and find out why. Sometimes it is as simple as finding out what is important to you. Can you still write when you don't even know the next word? Can you still paint when you want to put yourself down on your board and sleep in the wet paint not caring, yet, the next line and the next line still comes? Do you stay up late solving something desperate on your child's mind? Or, is it more a matter of what were you avoiding: the morning, the next day? Is it ideal to face this sudden importance, to confront something, because you keep finding yourself avoiding life?

So, you found out how you got there, how do you get out of it? The solving of it, and the products and projects you manage despite it, is part of the battle, but then there is the love you must let yourself be. It is simple as a vacation thinking processes, a take it easy kind of day, with no guilt, is not so easy for most and it could be all you need. With this, you could find at the end of that day you could be giddy as a child on a sleep over. So, how, again, do you get to a point where you let yourself be this burned up? Because if you allow yourself, you just may find, you never were. It was just a time for a different mind and what mind do you need and how long do you need to be there?

So, now you know what is important to you and you do it and you still want to do nothing because you still feel like your brain's pathways are empty with their electricity down? Could be all those things are still important but your usual way of approaching or doing them, is not the way to do them at all. It could be that you are supposed to let a story cook, while you don't think of it at for awhile and put your notebook aside to stare at you later. How do you do this without giving in to resistance or blocks, and how do you know it is not a type of resistance? A tricky spot to be in I am sure. I've learned to tell with myself and be kind when I need it. I guess that is one of the important questions to ask during this, am I being kind to me? Because, being kind would include not resisting. See what your answers are.

I could say journal a bit, but I've actually been too burnt to do that. Sometimes just sit with your tea and smile and see who comes in the room, or wait as no one comes, still smiling. There is a healing here that needs investigating and it is a beautiful opportunity to give yourself. Suffering is optional and being burned up is not a suffering unless you ignore it or let it. There is a place in between those two extremes and somewhere where you find that place is the answers you've been looking for lately. The main question is, do you know what you've been asking?

Comments

What Do The "What If's" Do to You When You're Not Aware of Them?

what do the what ifs

What Do the “What if's” Do to You When You're Not Aware of Them?


My girl and I have decided to see what it's like to live without a refrigerator for a length of time. I am beginning to love what we are learning. We miss things but we've gained things and perhaps when we go back, we won’t need a big one, or not go back at all. Her father thinks I'm “crazy,” but he always has and she gets a break from our investigation when visiting him; But she's like me, curious and proud that we are thriving to the challenge.

I have found that mayo was just a trick of mind, that I needed “creamy” to taste good, for instance. I made tuna salad, enough to finish soon after making, and used olive oil instead of mayo and the rest of the ingredients were from small jars (or the green onions I keep in a glass of water). It was great. I love my cleverness. Of course, I now have milk stacked up in cans, but I like that I can buy a bunch when it is on sale. I love the drop in electricity usage too (for all those who like to think Green like me). We sometimes get a small heavy cream for coffee, cream lasts out a little while, so it gets consumed on time, even if we have to whip up some cookies with creamy frosting, of course.

I am picky about ingredients already being gluten free (to avoid being bed-ridden with illness), and my girl and I avoid corn syrup, soy and food dye as well. So, that gave us experience at picking out good canned foods already. We live in a small town, but it has a grocery for those times we want something fresh to cook. We only get just enough for that meal. We are already not restaurant eaters because of food restrictions and small town restaurants do not have many special menus because they accommodate to the small population's most popular desires (too bad good health is not more popular to know, because knowing ingredients is the first thing you learn when changing over to a healthier lifestyle), but it is a treat to buy exactly what we want to cook for dinner (not to have to decide only on what is in the fridge).

The thing is, I used to buy my groceries every two weeks or monthly (and for canned goods and other household products not for the fridge, still do), to save money from impulse buying, but impulse buying is not as possible without a refrigerator.

There is much wisdom here, as in any modern necessity, how would you live without? It is not in a the doing without, but in the releasing of propaganda's panic that we must live a certain way to even survive, because you'll find it is not true. Such knowledge is fun to gather and releases us from regular, daily worry we didn't even know we had. Like, did you know going to bed with braided wet hair, instead of blow drying it and then crimping it, would give you lovely natural looking waves (and better for your hair than all that regular heat treatment)?

Have you ever seen what it is like without running water? It is not a common challenge to stay living with; but it is not that hard. Even if you only partially did that once, it relieves so much “what if” thinking. Then, when you go back to having it, you find how naturally you conserve it as to before.

Yes, heating in the winter is important to survival, but it is good to have backup plans and not just a list your Mamma told you to have. Really know what to do if the power went out, or even if it were to never come back on. Just knowing it, maybe from having an experience, and stop your apocalypse nightmares (and the worse ones are the ones you didn't even know you were having). We are spoiled, and our ancestors knew what to do, so you can know what to do and know you are spoiled and enjoy it, along with all sorts of fun tricks added to your life (you wouldn't have known otherwise without at least thinking about turning off some switches), but know you know it for fun and as regular reminders to not worry. Even if all you do is go a few nights a week without TV, every week, you will learn a lot.

Comments

Boundaries

Boundaries


Boundaries


Boundaries are tricky if you were unfortunate to have grown up with them stripped. You go through life in a rusty spiral, trying to reach the spirals everyone else can. You learn to say
no and think that is all to it, and it is not. You find out you must learn on many levels how to say no. Each time you go forward to feel better about making sure a harm has stayed away, you gain new pain on new levels of how did they get through and treat me bad, again. What am I missing? Well, it would seem, you could be missing a lot and you are surrounded by people who will not help you see it.

It will be alright though, because your own determination to heal will help you find what to do next. One day your self-talk will bring new paths and new kinds of thinkers around to coax you along the way you think you want to go. Sometimes in the middle of all this, you also become a parent and find yourself still struggling to keep those boundaries even in the face of the temptation to sacrifice yourself for them. Don't. They need to learn hard lessons sometimes and you need to keep those boundaries or neither of you will survive their childhood. It is compassion to allow your child to suffer if it is what they wish, so that they can learn. You need to keep yourself saying
no, where you need to, even to them.

Don't let the ever attending, doting parent fool you. Do you remember yours in that? If they do everything for you, you will not be able to do a thing. If you can't do a thing, you can be controlled and suppressed. As much as you want to make sure your child never has pain, don't give them that one.

The thing is, just when you think you may be an awful person because you couldn't distinct hard lessons from your abuse in your own childhood, an event will happen where you make the choice to not give your child a chance to makeup for something so that they know what can happen when you make lousy first choices. You'll go guilt ridden into the next room and find you actually have relief that would show years coming off of your face. I guess that is how you can tell: after the hump. When you have made the decision to keep your boundary, even in the face of not wanting your child in pain, and you leave them to mend themselves and look in the mirror, there is where you will see the weight lifted and if you see that, you are doing well on a better path. Maybe you have finally reached some of those spirals everyone else is swinging from and maybe your child will come out of their realization to know you will teach them well. Most likely, they will even love you more, because you gave them a beautiful gift: Boundaries.

Comments

Dimensional Spirit

Dimensional Spirit


Dimensional Spirit


Most people think a discussion about dimensions is for the physicist or the physicist curious. I do find that dimensions is as equally important when we talk of our soul. It is a matter of going to the inside of us rather than outside of us to find where we have split. Not a split in half but a version of ourselves where an experience or a decision was so big, both decisions had to be made. I am not going into the theories of millions and billions of possibilities over every second of our day if we went right instead of left. I am talking of the things that could have killed us or made us shut down our brain about an experience, a depth of indulgence that overwhelmed.

It would seem, our entourage of spirits that guide us, go with each of these and guide all of them (unsplit and in communication with all of you). If you are one to talk to yours, ask them of your others and they will tell you how many and what they have learned. I have some versions of me, that didn't even live to adulthood, as could be expected for those who know what I have overcame. Yes, I do think when each of these versions think for a moment, they know which is the 'original' and which is the 'alternate' and both know they are just as important to the soul.

It would be rare for them to converge back but if it could happened, both would know of the other and both be a piece of the other and therefore in the end, there would still be each of them. You could be one or you could be ten, depending on your choices and your stresses but either way you will be whole. It is like a tunnel of mirrors of emotions instead. You can look into it and know for a moment, or walk by and not glimpse. Perhaps some struggle with an addiction and their dimensional split is full on into it, that would be harder to face. Or, this could be a matter of psychically communicating and the lack of respect from the other soul, caused you a form of edge dangling insanity. That would be a reason to survive, yet a reason to be locked up, equally.

Yet, the dimensions from a lover that would play games to survive himself, would split him as well, to see his love in such torment. In such an event, he or she could still heal each other and the splitting of. They
can heal. The splitting is all about healing anyway. It is the importance of it, as well as the only reason to have happened at all. These are places to maybe even find that wounds that can eventually be lifted.

Have you found the ability to have a discussion that grounded and enabled another to breathe, to be understood? In this, have you ever found that it is as equally important to learn that you do not have to suffer for someone to have it easier. That suffering is only one choice or one path. There is another, to either lift a wound, peel it off or chose another path to not ever to have formed it. Or, your other self could have and each one that has enabled you to, as easy as sleeping or waking. All of these that we sometimes make, each one a choice, to move on or toward the same individual that is important to meet, and each of these gives the strength for one of the others of us to do the same.

It is important to find our defining choices and to know that you are not making any of those choices alone, even if all the others are just you, to help. We are all living in a water existence of ourselves, rooted in a world that there is only one of us. That is the best, because if we were between two, or more, nothing is rooted and life is a daze. As poetic as that would be to write, it is no where to live. So understand yourself and guide your thinking because one day you may be just one of you, again.

Comments

The Healing of Horror

The Healing of Horror

The Healing of Horror


You have seen it, right? Those groups, that girl, that boy, that line up to be scared at the movies, or listens to creepy music lyrics? What is the interest? Perhaps you are wondering of your own interest. It comes from the concept, well, I don't have it THAT bad. It is also much more than that, because that would be a moment to think like, but a lifestyle that feels good to be creepy and life a life full of Halloween-like wonderment,has a purpose beyond one thought: Art. Art heals. If when a person made a story, lyrics, or a painting that made them think of dark places in their mind, they felt better by expressing, that has power. That can be transferred to the viewer or experiencer and be quite fulfilling if this was needed in themselves as well.

I've read a few books that suggest when visiting a darkness in our lives, to not hang in the shallow end, cold. It often suggests to dive through it. If you don't linger on the fear of going in and actually go in, it instantly deflates itself. I think that could even be possible in the case of psychopaths, but that's a different story because they are precisely psychopaths to inflict horror upon another to avoid their own. I love to explore the darkness that is not me as well to see where everything really is inside me. I watch someone kill in a movie and the knowledge that I would neither be the killer or the killed, is comforting.

I also enjoy, as maybe you, getting inside how other kinds of minds work, and their darkness, as to not be fooled by their own masks against themselves when running across a minor version of such characters. My mother was a bit of a monster and to understand the pain most monsters are in, can help me to forgive her and forgive her again when I remember another pain. I am sure there are many horror fans that have had monsters in their own life one way or another, once. I think that is where the thought behind why dragons are in fairytales as they say, to know they can kill the dragons in their own life. So, we watch these monsters and ghosts in movies to know, we can overcome them, even when the heros do not. Watching the mistakes and successes as the hero struggles through the story in a movie or a song, and your heart knows your own hero inside, you can relate to your own humanness and will to survive.

Sometimes the monsters and the ghosts are our friends in the end. They have showed us much in life and given us our strengths and we become bigger than they ever where, at least one day we will. That is when we decide to make such things our theme, I guess. That we are bigger than the horror ever portrayed and we can be this after knowing what real horror exists. In a world like ours, today, with such horrors around the world, easier to experience, makes it seem like there is more of it than there once was. That is statistically untrue, we are in a less violent world. We just think other countries are the city next door now.

So, it is time to take on all the suburban myths and reality and know that even though it feels like our neighbors have been slaughtered, that we can find even more peace. Maybe that peace is in the fictionalizing of the horrors. When we can all relate, is when we can all heal. Empathy makes our lives better and whole and monsters can help us all find this.

Comments