Apr 2016

Infinity Circle

Infinitycircle


Infinity Circle


The circle outside the circle that entwines in the circle is infinity, “∞.” I don't know how many of you read Laura Day's books,
The Circle, and How to Rule the World from Your Couch? I did this several years ago and began a journey. Some of this journey involved speaking with her and her fans on Laura's FB page and Twitter; and over the last two years, a more personal one where I became the very walls of the circle and leaving the main circle but still connected. It is complicated but the beginning of what I am going to try to describe to you.

I am not sure entirely why I needed it to the point I began, but I felt no other choice. So, because of the magic her suggestions had done for me in healing a long journey inside me to a better world, I crawled out of a grave with this group. Yet, despite the circle feeling me a part of a larger heartbeat of life that many were touching, I needed more to survive. This brilliant woman, introduced the wish to me, and as she says, that one wish would pull all the others through. As I continued such journeys
the wish would sometimes force me to change it, as some who've done this have experienced. It is a profoundly life altering moment, far beyond epiphanies.

I've had friends in these circle groups tell me I was always in the circle when they entered. They could hear me often as well. I said, but I am, aren't you? I am not sure how they were always in the circle or if they were, but one thing became clear, I was definitely experiencing it differently. I was the wall paper and the foundation, somehow. Perhaps it is my autistic mind or the way my psychic survived my traumas, but I was the circle itself.

I regularly joined the group activities to move my wish along, as most in these groups did. I experienced in my life the brink of insanity with how close my wish would take me to my wish without interfering with another's will. This was painful and the experience of allowing myself to go crazy, I then found myself
not over that edge anymore and healed and stronger. Is this normal? Is it only the struggle to not have pain, the cause of this kind of pain: the mind twisting into a new thing? I can only speak for myself, but I found myself in this different circle, and not in the one everyone else was in, yet still connected to that. I was in the circle of source, the universe, gods, and myself. It seemed like me alone there, yet never alone.

I am not sure what Laura will think of my brief description of my experiences with her book and work, but I am grateful for all that her work lead me to where I am now, with infinity. I will accept any view of this, because it is my own view that moved everything and their view will move them. I am also a big follower of Abraham Hicks' manifestation understandings of life and our own personal vortex. I've even gone to the other side of my vortex, like I am in the mirror, the mirror itself, the reflection and the person before it. Both author-teachers do teach manifestation understandings and I am not the only one that followed both. This is just my combination, along with my journey with them.

I've meditated, in the beginning of finding this circle, on walking the edge of the circle, and each of the circles I belonged to and their overlaps. I did this in baths, hot, and me finding what was attached to me that I pulled off, because neither me nor my soul wanted it or them their. The circle, there, as I walked it, was the beginning of not letting past or people effect me. That was a long journey and I have accomplished a lot to be back on track with things, but the warmth I feel in where I've guided myself because my wish changed again, is still magic. The smaller the wish to be the biggest wish, will pull the biggest dreams up. It is that smallest voice that covers them all, and heals big. It marches loud with all the determined paths that hold me on mine. It is the individual that crosses the bridge though, and that is infinity. The power of the many would shake the bridge down and maybe, there are many journeys you must take first, with the many marching with you, to shake those bridges down; choosing which shores to swim to, and then, the journey that does not destroy foundations begins. Once you've crossed that bridge, you can march again with the many spirits that crossed theirs.

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Brain Birthing

brainbirthing


Brain Birthing


I'd like to think that if your pineal gland was a living entity and mated with a spirit guide, that it would give birth to planets out of the Universe side. How does your brain cook? Does it come in personifications, daydreams, and stories; or do you have to drive alone for hours, in a zone from the country view? I've found myself stacking manuscripts up in one month and then take a year before major projects again. Is it because of me (as people know) recovering my stamina and endurance from a deathly past illness, or is it that it needs time to build a life, a world, inside of me, of everything?

I used to be frustrated with my climb out of death and my limitations, but I am rewarded with this perspective as well and what actually is not resistance or weakness, and is living and waiting to be born from you or me, in its germination. So, in my case, maybe a little lack of stamina and a lot of losing time from helplessness, but also a lot of cooking. I do enjoy my observations of this, so that I can rise to use it unlike what others have seen in themselves. They battled resistance monsters instead. Well, I had to kill all of them to live, so I do not have those the same way. I have a view on top of this place I climbed from, and I feel and see everything going on in my brain, as my brain begins to work like it once did.

I have health. A perspective many do not see themselves having because they don’t know the difference from being without. I have pieces of me I've given life to, so I can talk to my brain, or my intestines about what they need, to stay healthy. I may go around as a weirdo to some, but most see as a human, and inside, I personified parts of me, because it was the only way I survived into thriving. I have conversations with delightful personalities of their own, and I have characters among them as well. I have layers of stories, like channels of movies and worlds that start over and start over again, adjusting into solid, that mix with each other. I have contemplations of these, discovering that they are also telling me things I need to know playing out around me in my external life and as subtly as I picked them up, almost blind to them, they scream for me to know. I am safe here. I have what I need inside me. I have views of people good and bad, pleasurable and sneaky. I have adjustments to know what I am surrounded by and where I am going because I have living stories. I have my pineal gland singing.

I am a functioning, blood filled universe. I have a brain inside all of me and inside where I am going. I think I'm just a fantasy maker, but birth is constant and so is flight. My mind is wherever I touch it. As many have discovered, I am multi-mastered and this is just one way I am able to be that. Mastering my brain, removing all chains, and growing the heads of flowers back on where they were cut, is a constant, a necessity, and thriving. I was told once that mind, body, spirit are connected. If I heal one the other two will follow. If I get stuck, go to one of the others and keep moving to heal. It works and my brain, my body, and my spirit are sharing a wonderful place to be, me.

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Talking Points

talkingpoints


Talking Points


Talking with people is easy, right? Then why is it one of the most difficult things to encounter, as well. I am an author and artist, as you know. I am continuously bringing conversations to introduce these things to people I am freshly getting to know. Usually, by this time, they've already had a first impression of what is this or I've never encountered this before. As much as that seems like an opening, it really can kill some warming ups.

Well, I back off, I smile. I am human. After a bit, people do recognize I am still human too. They actually think I am
sweet or intense or both. This can help them want to try more conversations with me, I've seen, but the questions they then ask can shock me. You'd think I'd get used to it by now, but no. They often get defensive introductions into these conversations, so I do brace myself the best I can. Things like: Health, or Science, or Metaphysics, it all gets greeted like If you push me, I'll label you a witch and yell burn the witch, kind of reaction. Well, I've faced that all my life, growing up in the Bible Belt, not being a bible follower. I don't have those types of conversations, but my open mindedness freaks them out. On the one hand, they like being heard like they've never been heard, and on the other hand they get nervous because I understand them because I did listen.

So, now, what do you think? Are you the one on my end of the conversation or theirs? This doesn't matter, is my point. This is a skill. I am learning new ways to listen every week. This is the trick, hearing. Not just hearing to input your work or your personality, but hearing why they think things and how they don't think like you. Well, maybe that is ironically easier for me because I go into almost all conversations knowing that they don't think like me on most things. I've also learned a bit of wisdom from a Unity church once, a while ago: If they aren't ready for your wisdom, don't give it if they don't ask. There is a reason for this logic because it makes it worse for them if they are not ready. The reason being that they will even make it harder on themselves to learn what they were trying to learn when they chose the suffering to begin with. So, even in fun, like talking (talking is way fun), you must remember when someone doesn't want to know and it is not your place to push it. I, myself, express as subtly as possible when I disagree, or I let silence speak it and let them change the subject or I change the subject into something we both think is fun. What is fun for you to talk about? What stories do you like to see in the movies or would impress you enough to pick up the book before there is ever a movie?

Sometimes I enjoy something so much that I think I've been talking for hours and it has been only fifteen minutes, like this place in my current story. I thought I was much further along than I was. What does that feel like to the other end? Is that a clue that they may just have had enough of that subject and time to change it, like I just did here a little, or is it time to go in deeper, like changing the subject only just a little can do too? Yeah, I said it. I gave it away. Tweak your conversation regularly to analyze and feel the reactions, then dive or run to another subject with a bigger tweak. It is as simple as that, I think.

I want conversations with the average person coming in to shop at a store, but I don't get into meaningless small talk. Did my deflection of small talk offend you even in writing? Why? I can have a small yet meaningful conversation, even about cats, if we are going to talk, but it must mean something to both of us or why have that conversation. That is what I look for and many do not give that opening and I'll smile and just say
hi as I walk by to look at what I want to purchase. A coffee shop, the same idea, and I'm often daydreaming in the corner by myself, even in the small town kind. That daydreaming is also a need, but many do not get how to talk to that, nor do they want to.

I think one too many think I'll force depth on them, but know I would never be intentionally deep when not returned. I don't want someone to not feel good if it is not their thing, like small talk is not mine. I also know, that there is a middle ground between these two worlds and it has now been my mission to find it with every
sit down I turn up in. Whether it is a conversation around a fellow camper's fire, or because I was cuddling with the small town's store cat, I can find that point. Usually, if I can get off at least three sentences, I can, and then we can move to a point that just may bring up that I am an author and they want to know about my books. Well, that is another interesting thing to figure out what to say. Besides diving in to just start reading it, some want to know it is made up and impossibly real, where others want to know what is really being said under guise of fictional characters. That's the latest place I want to get, to know which description I will share with you and then you can go find my links and see if you want to know more.

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Wrong Way

WrongWay

Wrong Way


When is disturbing behavior disturbing? I would think as soon as you have to inquire, you just may be surrounded by stories that are. This is my recent experience. I was in a long relationship where it gradually became normal to deal with toxic people. Despite what someone has convinced you of, that is not normal, nor does it have to be. Once you are in this, you may have found yourself studying investigations and documented strange behaviors because you actually want to convince yourself they are not. Maybe, like me, you have a career where such research is regular and interesting and if you are a little bit “second skinned” about such things, what has happened to you?

It is important to heal this because it will draw things to you if you do not. I've been working on healing mine and as I come out of my “gun-shy” shell, I've wondered how strange it is to be cared for. In this re-collection of a tribe, I've also discovered that my stories are far beyond normal when I look at the shock I put on peoples’ faces. I've begun writing a bit more about it, so I can talk a bit less about it, observing this healthy group I've now gathered around me. It is refreshing, but now I know, disturbing can happen and convincing myself that something is or isn't so, is always the first sign something is not right with what I have discovered.

Perhaps it is all my studying that has put me into a profile state of mind over just about everything I hear or see, but the world has hidden layers that maybe you would rather know was fiction. Just don't convince yourself what you live with or next door to is nothing. It is okay that it turns out to be nothing, but if something bothers you, find out. Even if you just pick up the phone and make an appointment with a therapist to explain to someone what you think you know. It really helps to get an outside perspective because you just may be buried in confusion and you need to sort it out. Therapists are one of many professionals to turn to.

Maybe this is general to you if you have not witnessed any disturbances in your own life. It can be hard to explain when you notice weird or painfully wrong moments, to anyone who has not, nor ever. Despite a childhood that could have brought you to such people, you can have happier times. It would be good to look for groups of people to help you find this, and if you do go to a therapist to know who these safe people are, and get a list of traits to look for, so be it. It is a blessing to change such perspectives and I know I have plenty to draw on, for my fiction. What perspective do you have? If you don't have anyone to turn to, your view may be dimmer than you think. Seek help and leave that only person that may be left, if they don't feel good to talk to. Your friends should feel good to talk to, even when it is hard news.

If you find you are going the wrong way, remember, to think anything is a wrong way, that there may be a right way, a better direction. Research how to see things different and things will change.

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